Aug 30, 2010
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Aug 20, 2010
Stupid
One day theres a couple of kids in a phycology class. The teacher stands up and says to the class "stand up if u think you're stupid!" after about 5 minutes Little Johnny stood up and the teacher says "do you think you're stupid Johnny?"
Game Of Intelligence
A blonde chick found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
Three Dumb Hunters
Three dummies decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."
The Queen’s Intelligence Quiz
While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. In conversation, he asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says she surround sherself with intelligent people, which helps her to make wise decisions. He asks how she knows if the people around her are intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen.
Who’s Yo Daddy?
The following are all replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing "father's details;" or to put it another way... Who's Yo Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check out #11. It takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.
Mouse Calibration Test
Is your mouse calibrated? If you're not sure, then it's probably not. You should do this every few weeks to ensure your getting the most performance and smoothest operation possible, especially if you spend alot of time on the computer.
Niece and Nephew
A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
Mother Worries Noise From Jackhammers May Harm Her Unborn Child
Mellissa Williamson, a resident of Roanoke Virginia, has had enough. Seems the sound of jackhammers from road construction is driving her crazy - in fact it's so bad she worries about the effects the noise may have on her unborn baby. Nevermind the cigarette in her hand. Oops.
The Stella Awards
The "Stella Awards" are named after the 81-year-old woman, Stella Liebeck, who spilled hot coffee on herself and success-fully sued McDonald's in New Mexico for 2.9 million dollars. Ever since, the name "Stella Award" has been applied to any wild, outrageous, or ridiculous lawsuits - including bogus cases! Here are this year's winners...
Kid Busts Tail On ‘Ramp Van’
I can think of some pretty stupid things to do, certainly though nothing as stupid as watching these guys practically smear themselves all over a public road in their homemade "Ramp Van."
Mind Over Matter
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. "I am the strongest, most powerful man here," he boasted. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen.
British Ingenuity
During WW II a British fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad, so the German doctor amputated his left arm. He requested that they drop his arm over his base in England. So the Germans did.
The Purina Weight Loss Diet
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for Roscoe, our hunting dog, and was standing in line at Wal-Mart getting ready to check out.
Pocket Rocket Jumps Gone Bad
So the other day I bought a pocket rocket for my 8 year old son, man those things are cool. Before long I found myself "test riding" it to make sure it's safe for him... though I was actually enjoying myself. I found myself wondering if anybody jumped these things... and thanks to Youtube we found a few pocket rocket jumps that didn't go quite as planned. Funny!
You’ve Got Mail!
Cindy McCain was in her front yard watering her roses when John McCain came out of the house and rushed straight to the mailbox, opened it, looked in,then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
15 Best Homer Simpson Quotes. Ever.
I was a big fan of the Simpson's, can you believe how long the show has been around? Everyone has their favorite characters, but mine is definately Homer. This guy says the funniest (and often completely true) things. Here is a list of the all time best Homer Simpson quotes ever.
Life’s Tough When You’re Stupid
A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.
A Smart Business Plan
A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factor where he was just hired. The plant manufactures various latex products, and has a reputation for using cutting edge technology in their manufacturing process.
Drunk Thief
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
Haven't gotten your fix of Police Jokes yet? No problem, we have more!
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
Designated Decoy
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Blonde’s Police Application
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders the desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. To just 'play along' and humor her.
Fun With Cops
So you're bored? How about some games you can play with your local law enforcement? Bonus points if you can do any of these without getting hit over the head with a nightstick. Double bonus if you can do all of these without getting the death penalty.
My Dog’s Name Was Sex
Usually everyone who has a dog would call him Rover or something, well I call mine “Sex”. Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew how embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I was looking for Sex.”
Two Prostitutes, One Sign
A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read: "Two Prostitutes - $50.00." A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail.
So This Cop Was Writing A Parking Ticket
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'
Cops Say The Darndest Things
So you think you're the only one who can be funny when getting pulled over by a cop? Well, in this edition, the police officer strikes back! All those cop jokes we've been posting have finally caught up to us, a police (or as he preferred to be called... peace) officer out of Nevada sent us this little list of things cops like say too...
Brokeback Mountain – Deputy Edition
A few overworked deputy sheriffs deserved a vaction, together they decided to go on a mountain retreat. Since police officers are so underpaid, they decided to sleap two per room so they could afford the trip.
Aug 19, 2010
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